The other day, some talking head psychologist was opining on the Casey Anthony verdict.  She said something that really resonated with me, and got me thinking.

Someone asked her how Casey’s mother and father would ever be able to go on and have any kind of normal or happy life. Their granddaughter is gone forever, their daughter has been on death row for three years, they were accused of horrible things during the trial, and now, hove to live with the fact that their daughter, despite the verdict, most likely did commit the most heinous of crimes.

Well, this psychologist said something that made so much sense and that I will now try and apply to may own life. I won’t get the wording just right but, it was something like this;

When a trauma occurs, it leaves a hole in your life that does not go away – ever.  I think so many of us live our lives, after trauma, thinking “oh, one day I will wake up and it will be all better”.  It won’t. Not ALL better, at least. Any kind of trauma; a miscarriage, the death of a loved one (no matter how it occurs or at what age), a health problem, dealing with finding out that your child is sick or disabled, leaves a hole in your life.  You look back and there it is, an abyss.  You wish you were on the other side of it. The side before the event that changed everything.

Ok, now think about this. Instead of spending (wasting) your life wishing you were on the other side of the hole, or wishing the hole would magically fill back up, imagine building bridges over that hole with new and happy experiences.  Each happy experience is a strut, or a nail or a cable.

Build bridges over the trauma with experiences you create, that you control.

Isn’t that a wonderful thought? I know where my trauma holes are and they run wide and deep. Try as I might, I cannot fill them back up so, instead of wishing I could, I will work on creating happy and beautiful experiences to build bridges over them.

Sure, I will have to pass over those bridges from time to time and sometimes, if I look down, I will probably still be scared and melancholy but, I will still look down. For, as much as those experiences hurt, they taught me very valuable life lessons that I wouldn’t ever want to forget.

Go out and build some bridges. Little by little, those holes will be covered, even if they can’t be filled. Covered by happy stuff.