I am so super excited about the upcoming birth of my Godson. The big ay will be in June (or late May, if he is impatient like my children were). I can’t wait to hold him, to feed him, to squish his little face.

I was so honored to be asked to be his Godmother.  I was actually surprised and very emotional when  my sister, Lori and her husband, Chris asked me. I was also very emotional when I was asked to be Nicole’s Godmother a few years ago.

Now, I already have a Goddaughter, Gina, who I love more than I can say. I was also honored and so happy to be asked to be her Godmother but, not as emotional.

It got me thinking and I have thought a lot about it. I think I have figured out the difference.

I was eighteen when I became Gina’s Godmother. I felt like I had the whole word in front of me. Like most youth, I thought I would live forever. It was simply a joyful thing.

With regard to my new Godson and Nicole, it is a little different. I guess, even though rationally I know that because I’ve made it this far without a recurrence, odds are that I will live a long life, perhaps even my “normal” lifespan (whatever that means). I don’t really, deep down in the place where scary thought lie, believe it. I still have a subconscious “limit” on my life. I can’t really imagine that I could possibly live as long as I would have had I not had to go through what I have.

Being asked to be a Godparent is a big responsibility that I don’t take lightly but, here’s the thing. The fact that I was asked says to me that other people think I’ll be around for a long, long time. They are not looking at me and thinking, “Oh, that poor thing. I wonder how much time she has.” I know it may sound strange but, I have always felt that my body has betrayed me and that makes me feel emotionally vulnerable, which, in turn, takes away some of my self-confidence.  One of my biggest fears is that I will be pitied. Being asked made me feel strong. Made me feel confident. Made me feel more alive.

Their confidence in me “sticking around” to be there for their children helps me to stay strong and focused on my continued good health.

I will always be there for my new Godson and for Nicole and Gina. I will love them and try to be an example of how to fight hard and never give up. That you should follow your dreams and always remain hopeful, no matter how despairing things may seem. That life is a precious gift and you shouldn’t waste a minute of it, no matter how difficult the road may be.

And, obviously, to always trust in God and his wisdom. My friend taught me something a long time ago, when my world seemed to be caving in. She told me, when things get too tough, “give it up to God”. I have done that on more occasions than I can count.

Thank you, Chris and Lori, Oscar and Barbara, Aunt Carol and Uncle Mike. I am so blessed that you have such confidence in me and I won’t let you down.